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Building humility and success
Kansas City Star
By MARILYN O'HEARNE - Columnist
Date: 02/24/01 22:15
"High levels of respect are very attractive."
That is the subtitle of the chapter "Become an Unconditionally Constructive
Person" from Thomas Leonard's book The Portable Coach. The book's central idea is
that you have the ability to attract success, rather than struggle to achieve it. Becoming
an unconditionally constructive person is one of the 28 steps identified in achieving this
result.
Think about the transforming effects in your workplace if everyone were to operate from
this principle. As in any situation, the best, but not easiest, place to start is with
yourself. Check your effectiveness as an unconditionally constructive communicator in this
quiz:
# Scenario: You are facilitating a meeting where one person continually says critical
things. You:
A. Defend.
B. Confront.
C. Say: "What I want is for each person in this organization to commit to building
up, not tearing down, the others, and I expect our communication to reflect that."
D. Ask the person to leave.
While your tendency may be to defend, and your fantasy may be to confront the person or
ask the person to leave, which will bring the desired results? If you are modeling
criticism rather than being constructive, will C be effective? No. The example needs to be
set at the top. The person who continues to be critical should be taken aside and calmly
reminded of the boundary.
# Scenario: Someone you work with does something wrong. You:
A. Yell at the person about the mistake.
B. Ignore the behavior, hoping it will change.
C. Point out the good behind the person's actions, even if the result didn't work out.
D. Lecture.
Notice a pattern? By doing C, you are telling the truth in an empowering way. Most of the
time, if a mistake truly has been made, the other person already knows that and feels
badly.
# Scenario: A project needs to be done. You are in charge of the team. You:
A. Ask questions to draw on the other's wisdom and expertise, like a coach.
B. Share your advice without being asked.
When you do B as a leader, whose need are you addressing? You're expressing your need to
be helpful or right. While well intentioned, it robs the other people of the possibility
of coming up with their own ideas. The result? Rebellious people will rebel rather than
comply, and passive-aggressive people will say "yes" and not do it, or put it
off.
Instead, focus on being thrilled with where the person is on his path of development.
It may help to remember whom they are becoming. As a former coach once reminded me, we're
all on the path from "clueless" to aware. This concept implies humility, which
is an important trait of leadership.
A recent edition of the Harvard Business Review looked at the top 11 companies in terms of
growth. The two traits executives of these companies have in common are humility and
striving for the excellence of the company. Humility may not be one of the inborn traits
of leaders, but can be learned through mentors, family, experience and training.
Marilyn O'Hearne is an executive coach with over 25 years of experience facilitating
growth and development. She can be reached by e-mail at marilyn@marilynoh.com
©Kansas City Star 2001 All Rights Reserved
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Marilyn O'Hearne, MSW
Master Certified Coach, International Coach Federation
COACH, Trainer/Speaker, Writer
Breakthrough Executive/Life/Transition Coaching
Want MOre PEP?
(Performance, Effectiveness,
Profitability and/or Peace, Energy,
and Prosperity?)
Renewing Your Spirit Workbook Author
marilyn@marilynoh.com
7111 W. 151st Street
Suite 171
Shawnee Mission, Kansas USA 66223
913-327-0611
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